I passed the date I wanted to take my road trip. I wanted to take it May 4th. This past May forth was a beautiful day. I remember, I was working. I suppose I am very grateful for a solid job after a period of time without a solid employment. Uhm, it’s strange, I may be getting a little schizophrenic in a way. Maybe it’s old, mis-placed or mid-directed anger. Feelings of helplessness, and terror flashbacks. Maybe I might just be a dick. However my brain and moods fluctuate from feeling incredibly ok, to pissed as hell about certain things. After things that happened to me in 1999…I started to abuse my body and mind with alcohol and well..over eating. For a while I was wishing for a sudden heart attack and that would be it. I know, I was just getting a bit depressed and wishing for the worst.

Anyway, I got into a snafu in Iowa a month ago, which is being embellished by the powers that be over there in a small speck of land. I won’t be able to fully write about it for a week or two. However it was my first real patch of friction with the system here in the US. I stayed with Barney Fife so to speak for a nightly visit. I was not too happy about the fucking hours  there and am a bit full of venom. In any event, it was a scratch in the body paint of life. My bark is worse than my bite in any case.

With all this stuff going on, my brain seems to want to polarize between the blackest bile and venomous feelings and just letting things go and let my body and mind heal from my past. I was thinking tonight about my time on the road (when I was not pressured into being on that road or being away from my family and Chicago). The times between Chicago and Phoenix, in my relaxed pace, taking photos as I pleased. I ate steak tonight, and that got me to thinking of “The Big Texan” in Amarillo, Texas.

When will I be back in that beef raising, 10 gallon hat state again? I don’t know…I am hoping by this fall..or Maybe, if thing’s go well…late August. I will be have camera in hand and attempting to take more “artistic” photos along Route 66, I-40. I had the chance to take re-work some photos of my past trips along that mother of a road.